I'm extremely lucky....

I really am. Sometimes when things aren't going the way we want them to its because there is a different plan in store for us. I know things will always work out the way they should. I'm just an anxiety driven person, which of course I try to work on. Things have to be planned in advance or I am completely thrown off and to be matter of fact it makes me act like a bitch.

Anyway, I really am lucky. I have the most amazing husband. He loves me, he understands me, he is there for me when I have meltdowns, he is a good daddy. He is just an all around great guy. I couldn't have found a better person to spend the rest of my life with. I found my true soul mate and know he is the one that was put in my life for a reason. Everyone else in my life has tried to mold me into a person they want me to be. Steve loves me for me. My crazy goofiness and all. Then, there is Jace. Ahhh, beautiful and funny Jace. I love that little boy with my whole heart. Don't get me wrong he gets in trouble a lot these days, he's three soooo I guess that comes with it. But, I wouldn't trade any of this for what I had before (thinking having a child was physically impossible for me). I got lucky when I became a mommy and embraced it from day one even though I was in total shock and scared half to death. Ha.

I am very fortunate to have the few great friends that I do, and that I know I can count on for anything that comes my way. We may not talk as much or we may live hundreds of miles away or a few miles away. But, I do know who I can count on.

To some I may not be much but I am me and the best me I can be. I've overcome a ton of obstacles in my life. From birth up to a few years ago. It takes a toll on you and you don't realize it most of the time. I'm really glad that I decided to get help more than a year ago. It helped me find my inner self. I had already found my voice (hahaha) but I needed help letting feelings out when I felt things were not fair to me. This has helped me tremendously.

Next week opens a whole new chapter for our little family. Jace will start preschool for the first time on Tuesday. I am actually really excited for him. I can only hope that he will do great, I am sure he will. It may take a little adjusting but I have all the faith in the world for my little guy. I'm happy for him and happy he will have this. One of the great things is, the preschool is right next door to my work so that will put me at ease as well.

Now that Steve and I both have jobs the future is looking a bit brighter. Things will come as they may. With me working full time now, I decided it would be best for me to close my photography business. It wasn't a hard decision for me. For those that know me well, know that my family means the world to me and I will do anything necessary for my family to be together and happy. With the job and both of us working first shift and not getting home until 5:30PM each day. Well, that wouldn't give us a whole lot of time together much less trying to get sessions in and completed in a timely manner. I'm happy with my decision. Its been a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders.

Peace, Love, and Happiness!

Dear Parents,

As I sit back and watch the world turn to shit day by day, I ponder on what life will be like for my son when he is older. This has been a problem for a while but I am noticing it more frequent these days. Parents who don't give two shits about their kids or the way they present themselves in public. Its a shame really. I hear people all the time say "America is going to shit". Blame it on politics, blame it on video games, TV, or whatever makes you feel better at the end of the day.

Its not all of that. Yes, some of it could be but you need to parent your kids. Teach them early how to be respectful, how to look presentable. Teach them that life is more than looking pretty or showing your body off. Everyone has the potential to do something with their lives, they need their parents to guide them though. If you didn't want kids but ended up with them anyway, so what, grow the hell up and deal with your kids. Its no longer about you! Its about your kids and making sure they are a productive member of society when they grow up.

I didn't think I could ever have a child. I did. I put my big girl pants on and made sure to put all of my wants on the back burner and try my best at teaching my child manners and how to be respectful. Is he always good? Not at all! He has the worst days sometimes but guess what, I try to teach him how to handle those emotions and feelings. I don't just let him sit in misery all day, I don't just let him do whatever the hell he wants.

Please, for the love of all humanity! Parent your children!!! We have all been through things. My childhood was about as fucked up as it gets. But you know what? I dealt with it, I owned it, I got through it. I broke the cycle of abuse and violence, I don't sit back and feel sorry for myself. I don't pity myself and I sure as hell am not selfish and just focused on me. My son comes first, disciplining him comes first, manners and compassion all go hand and hand.

So, get your head out of your asses and raise your kids!

End of rant. Not all of this was about the little girls I saw today. I just see so many parents right now with pre-teens and teenagers letting their kids wear, do, and say whatever they want. Its sickening.