As most of you know from seeing my facebook status the other day, I was NOT happy after my appointment with the doctor.
First of all they scheduled me to see the doctor at 3:45PM and then the therapist at 4:00PM. Only a 15 minute time frame to get to my therapist. Well, of course, as usual the doctor was running behind so I said I would come back at a later date to see my therapist since it was 4:30 by the time I saw the doctor. No big deal. That didn't even upset me. I knew I needed to see the doctor though because I have felt withdrawn, depressed, and just plain angry lately. I know what it is, I don't have a PhD. I'm no doctor but I know me and I know my body. My medication has ran its course. Its not working! I don't know how many times I have to tell these people this!!!! I know there are some hiccups along the way with all medication, but for me to be on a certain medication for TWO years and I still feel the same way half the time then the crap isn't working and I need something different/better. So, after I finally talk him in to trying something else (remind you he kept me on the same two medications I was already on, just added a new one to the mix) we moved on to a different conversation and this is where I got extremely pissed off.
He asked me where I was working now so I told him. No big deal. Well, he first proceeds to tell me that I am working on the wrong side. The WRONG side? What??? Are you kidding me?? I'm working on the damn right side! At least I am not sitting my fat ass at home daily doing absolutely nothing. I am working and helping to take care of my family. Then, he asked me who I was living with? Really? He already knows this crap. Of course I live with my husband whom I love dearly and my son. Now, oh now. He asked me what my husband did for a job. I told him he was a Civil Engineer at "such and such." He then had the nerve to ask me why am I even working then?!
I was absolutely livid at this point! My blood was boiling. I AM WORKING TO HELP GIVE MY SON THE BEST LIFE WE CAN! What does he expect me to do? Quit my job to just sit at home? Why shouldn't I have a job to help my husband with the bills? Why shouldn't I work to help put my son through preschool which he needs? Why shouldn't I work so I can help put food on the table and clothes on our backs? I almost told him I wouldn't have to work if he didn't take all my damn money with his appointments and if he didn't think I should be working then give me some of that damn money he was making off giving people piss poor treatment. Ridiculous!
I really can not tell you guys how pissed off I was after this appt. I'm hoping Steve's job doesn't end so I can get some good insurance. That way I can go to a regular doctor, give him my medical records and try to find a good course of action so I don't have to go back to this doctor. Lets face it. I can't stop taking the medication I am on. I've tried. The withdrawals are so bad I feel like I am going to die. Severe vertigo, shakes, tremors, nausea, vomiting, headaches, night sweats, etc.
Well, that about sums up my facebook post the other night. I still stand by what I said too. Stop giving money to the mental health professionals to medications that can have such bad effects on your body and legalize marijuana!
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
I really cannot pin point the date, but I have noticed I've pretty much withdrawn myself from most people. I honesty did not intend to do that nor do I want that. I love my friends and my family. It's just with working full time and having a family you really don't have a ton of extra time. Besides, you all probably have shit loads of things to do and people to take care of as well.
I wouldn't trade my beautiful little family for anything. I love them so much. They are my whole world. So, believe me, I am not complaining.
It's hard to have the energy to converse with people now a days. I guess maybe its because I am married and a mom. I feel like I don't have anything interesting and fun to talk about except Steve
and Jace. And, as much as I know most of you love and care about Jace and Steve as well, you all don't want to hear about them all of the time.
I guess what I really want to say through this blog is this. If you've felt neglected by me, or felt I wasn't there. I'm truly sorry. I would love to be everything to everyone, you all should know that about me by now.
Now, I will say this. I have distanced myself from certain people as of late for the simple fact we are two worlds apart and I don't want to hear or be involved in drama every time we talk. It's pointless and my nerves can't handle all that mess.
I'll finish with this. Just know I love you all and even though we don't speak, I think of you all often.
PS. In a few weeks I am going to start a compilation of photos and stories to go along with them (no, I'm not starting my photography business back). This is just something I thought of and thought it would be super cool. Stay tuned, I may just need your help ;)
Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. –John Maxwell