About Me

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New Albany, Indiana, United States

Sunday, May 27, 2012

Leaving one situation of abuse just to go to another.

Yes, that is exactly what I did. Remember my blog about leaving my dad's on my 18th birthday because I refused to be a victim of his any longer? Well, when I left I moved in with a long time boyfriend of mine and his grandparents. Not boyfriend I don't guess I can say because although young, he had asked me to marry him when I was 17 and I said yes. So he was my fiance, actually. I was in a relationship with this boy/man for four years. Two of them when I was still in high school and the other two after I graduated. While I was still in high school he isolated me from most of my friends. I wasn't allowed to spend the night with friends anymore. I had to hang out with him every day after school. When I got a job working after school I had to hang out with him after work. I was unable to spend time with my friends. I am actually surprised that I still have a few of those good friends after I turned my back on them for him. One being a great guy friend that I still have to this day. He forgave me for not talking to him during that time. He said he understood but I still to this day feel bad about it. I really do. But, you know what? We are still close friends and every time I go to MS I make sure he is the one of the first on my list to make sure I get a visit with. He means the world to me and was there for me when I had no one else. He is like a brother to me. I'll put his name. I'm sure he won't mind. So, thank you Cody. Thank you for putting up with my bull crap and my turning my back on our friendship because someone else told me we couldn't be friends. You are a great friend that has stuck by me and I love you for that.

Now, back to the story. During this relationship as I stated he isolated me from my friends. After I moved out from my dad's house he isolated me from my family. I didn't talk to my dad for a year anyway and didn't really care about talking to him. But, my mom and sister lived in Arkansas at the time. Every time I wanted to go visit he would give me a guilt trip and say all kinds of mean things to me for me not to go. I would give in and not go because I knew if I did what crap I would have to hear when I got back. So I never went to visit needless to say and I regret that to this day. I could have had more time with my mom if it weren't for this jackass. Anyway, we eventually moved out of the house with his grandparents and into our own house. We were renting it from one of his relatives. It was even further away from any friends and family. So he basically had be secluded from the world. I was allowed to go to school, then work, then come home. All the while he sat at home and played video games and only worked about a total of 6 months the entire relationship. Almost on a daily basis he would call me a whore, slut, bitch, fat, ugly, etc. He said if I ever left him no one else would love me. I believed him for a long time. I really thought all of those things. He also would often visit me at work and sit at a table and watch me work and interact with my customers. Especially the men. If I smiled and said "How are you today" he would let me know about it later at home. He always thought I was cheating on him.

He would also do things that he knew bothered me just to get me in panic mode. He knew I couldn't handle things being over my face and little things like that. And, because he knew this he would often put pillows and cover over my face until I had an outright panic attack. One time I had a panic attack so bad that I literally thought I was going to die because he did this to me. I ran and jumped in the shower with all of my clothes on and the water on freezing cold. I was screaming and crying at this point. I stayed in there well over 45 minutes. He came in and checked on me and said he was sorry. His apologies were always empty though as he would do the same things over and over again knowing the effect it would have on me. He didn't care.

He never physically abused me but he emotionally and mentally abused me. He did once push me very lightly out of anger. When he did I unleashed my wrath on him because I promised myself after watching my mom being beaten for 22 years, my siblings and I being beaten I would never let a man lay a hand on me out of anger. I have kept that promise to myself and always will. Although, I do not have that to worry about anymore.

Finally after years of mental and emotional abuse from him I decided to end our relationship. Of course he wasn't letting me go without a fight. I packed what little I could in my car and took it to my dad's house to store. It was all of my close and personal items. I didn't know where I was going to live but it was going to be with neither of them. I'd had enough abuse. In the time it took me to get to my dad's and back he took all of my stuffed animals I had collected through the years from my family and slit their throats. Yes, that is what he did and left them laying on the bed. I gathered them and a few more things I could fit into my car and had planned to get my dad to help me get the furniture I paid for the next day. When I went back the next day there was nothing left. He took everything. With the help of his family of course and I couldn't do anything about it because I didn't have receipts. But, I am the one who worked and paid for it all. I was so angry. Upon further investigation into the apartment we were renting I found used condoms. I knew they weren't from me because I was not having sex with him. I later found out what they were from. He had been cheating on me. Almost the entire relationship. This is why he was so "protective" over me and so jealous of everything I did. Because he was hiding something himself and thought that surely I was too. I just told myself to forget about it, I didn't care. I was out of the relationship and there was nothing left to say. That is, until I found out who he had been cheating on me with. It was a man. By this point I was fuming mad.

Let me say this. I have nothing against gays, lesbians, bisexuals and most of you know that. I wish the law would change so that gay and lesbian couples can be married. I am all for it. What I am not all for is a person claiming to be straight and having sex with his fiance and also having sex with another person, a man on top of that. Did he not think of the risk he put me at of contracting aids? No, he was just selfish. He will still deny it to this day. They both will but I know the truth. After I found this out I saw them one night together, standing at the back of his car. I revved my motor (as much as it would go) and stomped my foot on that gas peddle with every intention of running them both over with my car. As luck would have it though I had a good friend in the car with me and she jerked the steering wheel from me and made me stop the car and let her drive.

That was the last time I had contact with him. I have seen him sense. When I still lived in Mississippi I would see him and his family often. They went around calling me a whore saying I was sleeping with everyone all the while not knowing what their precious family member was really doing. He sure had me fooled for 4 years and took away 4 years of my life by being abuse to me. It was a lesson well learned though. I knew after him what I didn't want a relationship to be. I have since been in a couple of bad relationships. None as bad as that one. But, I can happily say today that I have been with the man of my dreams for almost 4 wonderful years. He has never been mentally or emotionally abusive to me, he has loved me unconditionally even when I wasn't loveable. He has never laid a hand on me or cursed at me. I found my soul mate and prince charming when I found Steve.

I'll never have to be in an abusive situation again and feel 100% safe with him.

It happens more than you think.

It happens more than you think it does. Help stand against child abuse and raise awareness to it. If you see anything suspicious, report it! These kids cannot speak for themselves like I could not speak for myself. We have to be their voices!

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

She's not just a stranger anymore.

I consider her my friend and will for life. You just never know who will be placed in your life and why. I won't say her name on here but this woman has been through even more than I have. She has touched me deeply and has shaken me to the core on wanting to help people even more. The woman I am talking about is a 32 year old lady with two of the most beautiful daughters you could ever see and a loving husband.

I was bored one night a few months back and none of my friends at the time were playing draw something with me. For those of you who don't know its a game where you basically draw things. It gives you three words to choose from and then you just draw it and wait for your opponent to guess it. Well this particular night I selected a random opponent. It chose for me and it was this lady. We played for a while and also wrote to one another on the screen. We did this for a few weeks at least. We eventually became facebook friends. I told her I was a photographer and she wanted to check out my work so I gave her my page and then we just became friends. Seemed like a nice enough lady from what I knew of her from playing the game. Lol. I know, it sounds silly but it gets deeper.

Throughout our friendship on Facebook she comments on my photos of Jace and I do the same on her photos and videos of her girls. We went on commenting back and fourth for a long time. We have now been Facebook pals for a few months. Our deep conversation only started this past week. For some reason after reading my blog posts about my tragic events in my life she felt comfortable enough with me to tell me some things about her. Some very tragic things. Of course, I asked her if I could share her story. I know how hesitant she is/was and you will too once you read of her story. But, I have to tell it. For her and for myself.

She wrote me a message one night saying we have more things in common than she thought. She also suffers from PTSD and had a very bad childhood. I didn't want to ask too much at that point because I didn't want to be intrusive. Over the next few days she tells me bits and pieces of what happened to her. The first thing was her dad had been in prison for quite some time for abusing her. I didn't ask at that time what type of abuse because like I said I didn't want to be intrusive. She was sharing and I let her share what she wanted to share with me. She went on to tell me that she was also raped at 14.

This is where it gets hard for me. As you all know from reading I was raped at 13. It screwed me up a lot. Well, not only did she get raped she got pregnant by her perpetrator. She decided to keep the child and not breathe a word to anyone about the rape. So she would rather people think she just made a mistake when she was younger and not have to ever let her child know she was from a rape incident. I cannot tell you how much this tore me apart. Although I was raped I was fortunate enough not to get pregnant from it. I could not imagine what that must have felt like. For her to tell me that she just put it in the back of her mind as something totally different and deal with it and love the child no matter what inspired me more than anything ever has in my life. I don't believe in abortion, period. I do however believe in situations like this it could be forgiven or even give the baby up for adoption. She is so strong. I cried my eyes out to Steve telling him about this. Even though we are friends the way we are it was killing me to know that her being the age her daughter is now she was going through this at that time. I also had feelings of there is no way I could ever keep a child like that. I couldn't cope with it and deal with it. Its amazing how she kept her baby and now a beautiful teenager even though she was conceived the way she was. I felt for her, the childhood that was taken from her, the person she still is because of this.

Her story doesn't just end there. There is actually details I left out even before the rape of this man that got her pregnant. I finally asked her if she didn't mind me asking why her dad went to prison. She told me he abused her but didn't tell me how. I finally asked that and it was even more heartbreaking to me. Her dad, that is/was supposed to be her protector started molesting and raping her at the age of 5. Yes, 5! She had to endure this for years. Many years. Somehow it came out and he of course went to prison. Rightly so. In my eyes he didn't serve enough time. Sexual abusers do not serve enough time period. Do you know that drug dealers serve more time than sexual abusers? I think that needs to change. I can't change it. I wish I could. They only have to register as sex offenders which is still not enough. They can still be around kids and abuse people.

Even though I went through what I did and have had some friends come to me about what happened to them, her story makes me want to change the laws for things like this. I want to make a difference and change the way things are done about these situations. Its not fair to the victims that they live with this for the rest of their lives and they get out of prison and get to continue their life. Never thinking of what they did to their victim. Its not just sexual abuse they have to endure but the after that comes with that. The years of torment they have to endure emotionally because of what happened to them. The never trusting another man because of what happened to them, the nightmares, the panic attacks, the paranoia. Yes they all deal with this, just like I have. Yet the perpetrator gets out of jail in a couple of years and can go on living his live. How is that even fair?! Its not!

To my special friend that I have become close friends with. You have helped me and inspired me even though you said I did that for you. You helped me in the process. You made my drive to change things even more. I have never met you in person and I love you. You are a beautiful person and I hope to someday get to meet you and talk with you in person. We crossed paths for a reason. Keep your head up. If you can't write for yourself yet or tell your story I will do it for you and help you any way that I can. You are a beautiful soul and I consider you a great friend of mine now.

Monday, May 21, 2012


That is what I want to be. That is what I want people to look at me as. I have had several emails over the paste few days from people saying things such as they admire me for being able to open up and share my story so publicly and others who want me to know how much I have been an inspiration to them and helped them. It makes me feel good to know that I am helping people in my healing process. As my therapist has told me a burden shared is a burden cut in half and to talk it to death. That is the way to heal. You talk to death until there is nothing left to say. Which would be the freeing process I spoke about in my blog the other day.

The other day I walked into the UPS store to ship something to a dear friend of mine. I had groceries in the car and knew I needed to hurry. There were three people in front of me and the process seemed kind of slow. At the time it was only one gentlemen in there. A few minutes later another guy walks in and of course he starts to help me as one of the young ladies had to leave because she didn't know what was in her package. He started helping me with my package. I am not sure how we got on the subject or what. I don't know if it was because of what I was sending or what. Wait, yes I do. It was because of what I was sending. I can't say what it is because my friend hasn't received it yet but I wanted to send it to her to inspire her and help her get through a troubling time she is going through right now. I told him why I was sending it and told him about my blog, about having PTSD and OCD due to the physical and sexual abuse I have been through. In other words I was trying to help my friend because I have been through this and I know what it feels like to be in a dark hole and not be able to climb out of it. The gentleman proceeds to tell me he is an Army Vet (bless him) but he suffers from PTSD as well. His is only seasonally though. We talked about the difference in sexual assault victims and war veterans as far as PTSD is concerned. He was telling me all about his struggles during the time that it was really bad where he was. Which is February until about June. So every year during these months his PTSD comes out really bad and he has these vivid, visual nightmares. I had them my whole life, every night. He would tell me that his wife would wake him up and he would be walking all over the house fully asleep but he was on look out in his dream. Its scary stuff to go trough things like that but gosh he inspired me so much. He is a psychology student at IUS. Of course, this intrigued me even more. The reason it did is because usually the one's who have things happen to them or have been through bad things are the first to help you when you need it most. So that is what he is doing. Studying this so he can help others that haven't got to their "freeing" stage yet. I just think its awesome.

He went on to tell me of a girl from IUS coming to him with a problem. Her problem was she went out with a bunch of people she didn't know got drunk with these people and two of the guys raped her. Now, he gave her the right advice. He told her to pursue criminal charges against them which she is doing. He said it had been a long process for her and it still isn't over. They are trying not to prosecute one because she doesn't remember saying no. Well, of course she doesn't remember she was drunk! Anyway, he told me about her and gave me her number. He also took my contact info in case she wanted to call and talk to me or even email me. During our now very long conversation and not even caring about hurrying home now (there was no food that would go bad) I wanted to ask him if IUS had support groups for rape victims and such. He didn't know of any but I told him during this process it has made me realize that I would like to go talk to groups that are at risk for this type of abuse. Not only sexual but physical as well. He gave me the contact information for the people I could talk to at IUS to see if I could come and start speaking to certain groups about my story and maybe get them to open up to me with theirs. And, maybe help someone along the way that is going through a tragic time in their life and have no one else who can relate to talk to. I plan on going to IUS and talking to these people to see what I can get started. There needs to be more awareness brought out. Of course we hear of it often but not enough is being done to the people who are doing the acts. Not enough victims are coming forward because they are too afraid (me). I was one of those. I still haven't told who my abusers were and never will. Its too late now. I have closed that chapter in my life. If I open it back up to try to prosecute them it would be drawn out and they probably wouldn't be convicted anyway. Its been 14 years now. There is really no way of proving it now. It would be their word against mine. But, I would like to help others pursue whatever it is they want or to be there for them if they need an ear to listen.

Friday, May 18, 2012

You just know when you're free......

Today I had another therapy session. I missed last month because I was in the hospital and totally out it. Thought it was a different day and all. Anyway, my therapist is the sweetest. She really is. I don't really know if I could have gotten to this point without her. Well, yes I do know. I know I WOULDN'T have gotten passed everything I have without her help. She opened so many doors for me that would not have been there otherwise.

I still want to keep seeing her as I do believe it helps but like I explained to her to do. The chains are broken. I have looked at my rapist online, I know where my molester is and what he is doing, and well my dad issues are right where I want them. Not there. Maybe it sounds cruel of me to say this but I really don't want to have something to do with someone who comes in and out of my life constantly. I have felt abandoned so many times in my life by him that I refuse to let him back in this time. I am 27 years old and old enough to make that decision no matter the criticism it may come with. Speaking of my dad, he did call yesterday. After 6 months of not speaking to me or his grandson he calls. 6 months! I have sent a Save the Date card to him, a Valentines Day card to him from Jace, a photo collage of Jace's birthday, and misc other photos in this time period and I never once got a call from him. He turned his back on me and his family again for another woman. I won't let it happen again. I have to protect myself and now my son from his extreme lack of respect for others feelings. I will never let my son feel the abandonment that I have felt my entire life. He did it to me, he won't get the chance to do it to my son.

If ever I am asked a question about my father from a stranger I will simply tell them that I know who he is, but I don't know him. I really don't know this man. Yes, he abused my mom for 22 years. Yes, he abused all of his kids. Yes, he was a raging alcoholic. But, for the past 4 years we had a close relationship. I forgave him for everything he had done to us, to me. Then, he decides to walk out of my life again after making so much progress. This is why my heart is turned to stone against him. He did to us again what he did to my brother and I when he would leave us literally for weeks at a time when we were 12-13 while he had his weekly and sometimes monthly rendezvous with whatever woman would have him. This time I can control it, and I will. He is no longer a part of my life and never will. No, I don't feel guilty for it. And, no, if something happens to him I won't feel guilty about it. He did this. He made his own bed and now he must lie in it. I did none of this. I did nothing to deserve this, my bother and sister did nothing to deserve the abuse he put us through nor the abandonment he made us go through.

I am free. I am only free because I have let him go, I have let my rapist go, I have let my molester go. They can own what they did to me because I no longer own. I can truly say that with a smile on my face and not a tear running down my cheek. That's how you know when you're free. The bounds are broken, the cycle is over. I have broken it and so have my siblings.

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Weight Struggles

For as long as I can remember I have struggled with my weight. When I was younger after the molestation, rape, and my dad making snide comments about looks I would either starve myself or eat a ton of food and go make myself throw up. This is a part of my story that only Steve knows. He is the only person I ever told. Even though I was huge I would still make myself throw up. Trying to get the food out and trying my hardest not to gain more weight. Obviously it wasn't working but only half of the time. My weight would fluctuate. I would lose it all by starving or making myself throw up. After I would stop doing both I always gained the weight right back, of course. It was struggled and it always has been for me. Some people are just naturally thin and I would envy them from time to time. I think now sometimes that I wish I were one of those people that didn't have to work to get to a healthy weight. Now, don't get me wrong I won't ever be skinny nor do I want to be. I just want to be healthy so as Jace continues to grow and develop I can do more things with him without tiring out to quickly. The way I see it, its not fair for him to live with a fat mother that can't do everything he wants to do because it almost kills me. Of course, my friends always said you are not fat or family. Excuse me, yes, I was fat. I am still fat. I still have 40 lbs to go. I swear if it takes everything I have I am losing that damn 40 lbs.

Now for your viewing pleasure (hahaha) here is a before and after of just my face so far. 33 lbs down. The photo on the left was taken in December and the photo on the right was taken this month. Photos don't lie. Now try to tell me I wasn't fat. Lol.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Happy Mother's Day to my mama!

I know you can't be here with us but I love you so very much. Happy Mothers Day. I wish you were here for me to tell you that in person but I know you can't be. I hope you are looking down on me, Denise, and Charlie and seeing all we have accomplished all in honor of you. You are the reason we are as strong as we are. You were the best mother you could be and you taught us so many life lessons. Without you we wouldn't know how to love. We all three love hard and we get that from you. I hope you are resting peacefully and just know you have your three kids thinking of you today and 6 grand kids. We all love you so much.

Steve's Graduation!

He did it! He finally did it. It seemed liked a lifetime getting here for myself and I am sure it felt like that for him or even worse. Its been four long years. He has been in school the entire time we have been together and well the entire time I have known him. Almost 2 years into our relationship we had Jace. I love that little guy and so does Steve but man did that put a major strain on things. Now, I was a stay at home parent that felt like a single parent because Steve didn't have time to do anything but work and do his homework or study for a test. Please, don't get me wrong. I am no complaining, I am just stating how hard it was for all three of us and how long of a road it has been. So for 2 years its mostly felt like single parenting with the exception of a few breaks that weren't nearly long enough. Of course every break he had, he made sure to spend it with us and we would do things as a family. I am thankful for that. Seriously, at times I really thought I was going to lose my mind but I didn't. I made it and stuck by Steve even though the sacrifices that had to be made and I am glad I did. Today was one sweet day! Today everything paid off. All the nights I had to get up all night with Jace and deal with him all day, then clean, cook dinner, etc it paid off. All the long nights Steve had doing homework or studying for an exam. It paid off. I am happy to say that my fiance graduated with honors today from the University of Louisville with a Bachelor of Science in Civil Engineering. Way to go Steve!!!! We both thank you for all the sacrifices you had to make to try to better our family and we love you so very much!

Thursday, May 10, 2012

I feel whole again.

I really do. My entire thought process has changed. I view things differently and I am healthy to boot. I still speak my mind and always will. That is something that is built within me and I believe I have the right to free speech and I will use it :) I get it from my mamma. Wish she was still here but she isn't.

 First, I want to say congratulations to Steve. He successfully completed his Bachelor of Science in Civil Engineering. I am so very proud of him and all that he has accomplished. He will graduate and walk this weekend. I cannot wait to see it. The entire time we have been together I have had to share his brain with school work. I have been patient, understanding, and supportive. He did this for us, for his family and I am so very thankful for that and to have him in my life. I love you Steve and you are my soul-mate. When I say this I truly mean it. I cannot wait until Oct 6th gets here and I can finally say I do to the man of my dreams. You truly are "my better half".

 Second, I want to say congratulations to my brother. He went to school to be a truck driver and to get his CDL license and he passed at the top of his class! I am so proud of him. He didn't think he could do it but I had faith in him the whole time. Me and a handful of others. He is in training right now in Des Moines, Iowa at one of the largest trucking companies in the US. He will be there for quite a while but its so well worth it. To see my brother succeed in something and do so well at it has warmed my heart and made me the proudest little sister ever.

Thirdly, my sister deserves a congratulations as well. She has been trying so hard to find a job and she finally got one. She said after our mother passed she would never work in the healthcare field again but she is doing it. Its only part time now but has the potential to become full time. I am proud of her for making these steps to better herself and her family.

As far as my father goes we still haven't spoken to him. Well, let me take that back. My brother talked to him very briefly. He almost caused my brother not to graduate from school and get the job he wanted. He used my dad as a work reference because he worked with my dad at his mechanics shop for over 4 years. When they called my dad he said "I don't know nothing about that". Its crazy how a "father" could do such things to their kids. We are still all refusing to call him and speak to him. If we were that important he would have called after all the cards I sent from Jan-March but he still hasn't. I don't care anymore. It was bothering me really bad but at this point he should no longer exist to me. He doesn't care so why should I? I have gotten help for my issues and know what to do to deal with my emotions. As bad as it sounds, I honestly could give two shits if I ever see him again. I really hope I don't. I am going down to my cousins wedding in June and I hope he isn't there. If he tries to talk to me I am just going to act like I don't even know who he is. That is how he has treated us over the past 5 months and half of our childhood so why should I care. 

With that, I am done :) I will leave you with a quote.

"Positive results will come when you start to replace your negative thoughts and habits with positive ones." 

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

I am strong enough.

I saw this today and it spoke to me. Before I started getting help for my tragic childhood I didn't understand why I was being put through everything I was. I didn't understand at the time why the God I had once believed in would let a child/teenager/adult go through so much. Most people couldn't handle what I have been through. They would have "fell off the deep end" already. As much as I have been through I can honestly say it has made me stronger.

Don't get me wrong, I am not completely "healed" or whatever you want to call it. I do have a deeper understanding of my life, the things that happened to me, and the life I lead now. My life is totally different than that of what I envisioned when I was graduating high school. I am happy for that. I am in a safe place in my life. I have people that surround me with love and affection. Something I didn't receive as a child. I knew my mom loved me and she made it a point to always tell us how much she did love us. Our dad would say it but actions speak louder than words. I was made to feel like I was unlovable. That I did something wrong to deserve all the punishment I was receiving.  The abuse I had to watch my mom endure for 22 years of marriage to my dad, the abuse we endured when she wasn't around to knock around, the abuse of being left at home for weeks at a time with no food and no way to get any, the abuse from my sexual predators.

There was so much for 3 kids to have to go through yet we all made it out. Somehow, someway we did. Its still not easy to think about my dad turning his back on us once again. I haven't talked to him in 5 months although there have been several things mailed to him, he refuses to pick up the phone and call. Yes, it still bothers me to know that I have friends who have parents that do everything to make sure there kids are happy and my dad never bothered to do that. And, he is still acting the same way. New woman, same circumstances. We are just all grown now and it does sting. I can honestly say this though. My entire life I have made it not because of what he has done but because what I have done to change my future. I refuse to let him back into my life. He made his choice and his bed so now he must lie in it. Do I feel guilty? Not in the least bit. I have never abandoned him or walked out of his life without contacting him even though he did all the things he did. He has walked out of my life for the last time. Sometimes you just have to let people go, no matter who they are. Especially if they cause you undue stress by walking in and out like a revolving door. It makes you feel abandoned over and over again. I will not go to that place again and risk all that I have accomplished for a man that has proven he doesn't care over and over again.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

The mystery continues....

I went for my neurology appointment today. I must say I have trust in this doctor. Not sure why but he seemed to genuinely care about my concerns and cared enough to listen to what I had to say. With that being said my diagnosis is still up in the air. He explained to me that the hospital should have never told me it could be a pseudo tumor because you can't really tell with just an MRI. They should have given me a spinal type. Its obvious the ball was dropped on many occasions while I was at the hospital. I've done a ton of research on this tumor. Most of them are very positive outcomes so I am sure mine will be too. The problem is, since the spinal was not done they really don't know if they are dealing with a fake one or not. I could actually have a real tumor, a pseudo tumor, or migraines with visual disturbances. They will be calling me back tomorrow to schedule that spinal tap and to let me know how much its going to cost me. Yikes. It has to be done though, just in case.

On the bright side my Blood Pressure was 117/78 which is a normal for me. Hooray for that! I didn't think my blood pressure was ever going to get back to the normal.

I may not have the faith that everyone else does, but I have faith that this is just a stumbling block for me and I will be okay in the end. I really do. I have been super positive about this whole thing ever since I tossed a medication I was on. I think that med was making me crazy and obviously it was dangerous for me because it kept making my blood pressure drop way to low.

There are so many things going on right now and I am so very thankful to be surrounded by people who love me and care so much about me. If it weren't for all of them I would be crazy. Or crazier. Lol. The whole house has been sick the past few days, well about a week now. I was only sick for a day and a half thankfully. I am hoping it doesn't hit me hard though when I am least expecting it. So, all three of us had to go to appointments today. Normally, that would have pushed me over the edge but it didn't. With the help of my medication and all that my therapist has taught me so far I went about the day like a champ. Ha.

I will be going back to my "story" at some point so stay tuned. There is more to come and I am proud to say I have made tremendous progress on this journey and the telling of my story. Like I said before this is a very public blog and anyone in the world can read it. That is the point, for people to read and hopefully be inspired by my story to open up about their lives. And, to also make people own the things they did to myself, my brother, and my sister.

Until next time my friends.