About Me

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New Albany, Indiana, United States

Thursday, October 16, 2014

30 isn't old, It’s just a young mature.

I have so many thoughts right now, I will try to get everything out in a somewhat coherent way.

I turn 30 in two days. The big 3-0! Ask me how excited I am......VERY! No, really, I am! 30 is just a number though, right? It is, but it has so much behind it for me, as weird as that sounds.

10 years ago I made the best decision of my life. I wanted a change, I needed a change. I knew what I wanted to do, but it took a pretty serious thing to "throw" me into that decision. It was made nonetheless. There was a promise made, to just myself, of course. I would leave the state of Mississippi and never return (of course I could visit what few friends and family members I still talk to). I knew I had to get out. At the time I had no idea what I was going to do once I left and I really didn't care. I packed as much of my belongings that I had left after a series of events that happened in my life months earlier. I crammed what I could fit into my little Daewoo (not sure if they even make those anymore). I went in to work that afternoon, found my supervisor at the time, and told him I was moving out of the state of Mississippi and would not be returning. I apologized for such short notice, but I had to leave, right then. He was very understanding, but wanted to make sure I knew that if I ever tried to get my job back the head person wouldn't let me work there again because I didn't give a notice. I assured him, that wasn't a concern. At the time I was scared to death. This is the job I worked so hard for. This is what I wanted to do with my life and I was throwing it all away. I had to get out though. My mind was made up. It was now or never. I got in my car and I drove the 5 hours from Vardaman, Mississippi to EL Dorado, Arkansas. Little did I know this was just going to be a short stop on the way to where I was going.......

My mom and sister were living in Arkansas at the time. I already knew where I would be staying, I just had to find a job. In the meantime I really enjoyed spending time with my mom and sister. I eventually got a few different jobs. None of them were really for me. Something was still missing though. Although I very much loved my mom and sister and being around them, I still felt stuck so to speak. Eventually, I decided to move to Louisville, Kentucky. Very scary thought to move to such a big city not knowing but one person. It is what I wanted though, and once I set my mind to something, I was going to do it.

While living in Louisville, it was really hard at first. I had no friends, it took me a few months to find a job. I won't lie, there were quite a few bumps in the road. Some pretty big ones. At the time I didn't know if I could get through it. I wanted to give up. During my first year and a half living here, I got married, my mom died, my grandmother died, my ex husband and I got a divorce, my uncle was murdered. Every one of these happened within a few months of each other. I was already a basket case from things that happened to me when I was younger, so these things really threw me over the edge. It was a real struggle, but I never gave up on myself even though, at times, I wanted to. During this time I also had a job. One that I loved. I would NEVER take the time back that I worked for Stepping Stones from 2006-2009. I met some of the most amazing people and developed some life long friends. Most of the people I very first started working with, we are still friends. Always will be. I honestly don't know what I would have done without "my family" as I like to call them.

During my time at Stepping Stones, I met Steve. At first, it was just a little crush and I was attracted to him. As I kept getting to know him more and more, I fell in complete love with this man. He was unlike anyone I had ever met before. The way he talked, walked, conversed, etc. It was very intriguing. Anyone who knows Steve, also knows he doesn't open up very easily. As time went on, he opened up more and more to me. We talked about things that neither one of us had talked about with anyone else, we shared some of our deepest thought. I was head over heels. Things were not always easy for us. Although we have always gotten along and rarely argue, it was tough. He was working full time, I was working full time, and he was going to the University of Louisville at the time to get his degree in Engineering. Lots of hard work and late nights. In the midst of this very hectic schedule, I found out I was pregnant. I won't lie, I was scared to death! How could it be that I had been told for years that there was no chance (0) that I could EVER get pregnant. Here I was, pregnant, and afraid. What was going to happen? Was Steve going to walk out on me because his schedule was already too full. Its not that I didn't have faith in him and our relationship, but it was scary. After all, I had a lot of people walk out on me. People that was supposed to love and care for me. I always had a cloud hanging over my head, thinking when I got to close to someone, they were just going to walk out and leave me like every one else had. Steve never left my side. He was just as scared and I was, but we were both extremely happy. I couldn't believe that I had this amazing man standing by me, and then to top it off I would be having a child. Something I never thought possible.

The past 6 years of my life have been the most amazing. Throughout my life, I have always doubted intentions of others, doubted myself, just doubted every thing in general. As crazy as it sounds, I never thought I would see 30. I know I wouldn't have if I stayed in Mississippi.

You see, even though I've never been to college, I'm not rich, etc, doesn't mean I don't feel accomplished. Its good to have some of those things, but I don't need it or have a want for it. I have my happily every after. I have the most amazing husband a girl could ever ask for, I have a beautiful, loving, caring son, I have a house, I have a job that I love, I have a family that I love dearly, and I have some pretty freaking amazing friends. There is nothing really that I could ever ask for. I am right where I was meant to be. It took me a while to get here and I had to go through a lot to get here, but I have arrived.

Bring it on 30! :)

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