I can’t sleep. So I guess I’ll do the next best thing-write. Have to get all of your feelings out somehow, right? I honestly do not know where I am going with this blog, but I guess we will all see how it ends together.
I’ve had trouble sleeping the past few nights. It’s because a few certain people have been on my mind. Reminds me of the first verse of that song my Keith Urban, “You’ll think of me.” Here it is-I woke up early this morning around 4am with the moon shining bright as headlights on the interstate, I pulled the covers over my head and tried to catch some sleep but thoughts of us kept keeping me awake. Of course not my exact thoughts but you get the idea. I miss my mom, I miss my Uncle Jason, and I miss my good friend Beth. All three lost to such tragic events. *Sigh* Life surely does suck sometime!
I never erase anything. I guess thinking things will keep memories and people more alive for me. Who really knows?! My mom’s number is still in my phone and in parenthesis is her fiancé’s name at the time, which of course has since passed away. Just last October to be exact, a week or so after his birthday. Such a shame. I’ve changed phone several times since she passed but I always made sure to keep it in my phone. I just can’t delete it. I know she isn’t there. I had to give up everything else with her; I just can’t part with her phone number. I don’t think I ever will honestly. I still have my Uncle Jason’s phone number in my phone too. I guess I am probably nuts. I also still have tons of saved emails from my good friend Beth. Although I lived here by then, and she lived in Mississippi we emailed one another very often. I remember getting an email from her right after she found out she was pregnant. She was so very happy. Her life had finally gotten to where she wanted it to be. She was married and having her first child-she couldn’t have been happier. She told me in an email that she never thought it would happen for her. At one point she felt she wasn’t good enough. But, she was. She was very much deserving. She was a great person and a great friend and would do anything for anyone. She never asked for anything in return. And, when someone did do something nice for her she was thankful and so humble. She passed away about a week after giving birth. I don’t understand why things like that happen. She had everything she had ever hoped for and she was taken.
I miss them, all of them. And, some days I just feel the need to talk about them. I want to relive the memories and the great times that I had with them sometimes.
I’m a huge fan of holding on closely to your friends and family. You really don’t know when it could be your last moment with them. Pick your battles wisely. If you are grumpy or tired just take five. I promise you’ll feel much better after. And, make sure to never go to bed angry because you’ll probably wake up that way too.
Thanks for reading. Now, let’s see if I can go get some sleep now :)