About Me

My photo
New Albany, Indiana, United States

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

I refuse to give up! I am a true fighter!

That title statement really says it all. I am not a quitter. At one point in my life I always said I "can't" do this and I "can't" do that. I am not smart enough, pretty enough, strong enough, good enough. To hell with that! I have fought my whole life to get to where I am exactly right now. I won't give up now.

There has been a lot that has happened since my last blog post and I am not sure why I have waited so long to write again? It calms me, duh! That is what I do, yet I abandoned it. Anyway, we were on a good streak for a couple of weeks. Steve got and started his new job, then we all got sick for over a week each. That set us back some and its super hard taking care of a sick 3 year old when you are sick yourself but you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes. Got over all that croupy, upper respiratory mess finally.

Thursday, the 19th a man tried to break in the house on Jace and I at 9AM. I was doing my usual routine. Turned Max & Ruby on the TV for him and headed to the kitchen to fix his breakfast. I was in there about 3 minutes when my poor child let out this blood curdling scream, then my ADT alarm sounds. I run to the living room to grab him and see if he is hurt. That was my first thought. Not even paying attention to the alarm or my surroundings. Then I looked over and I saw it, my front door was open and Jace was pointing to the door screaming "man, coming to get me." I ran straight for the bedroom, not for the phone but our gun. If someone was in my house I would handle it better before the police got there. Luckily, where our front door is there is a little nook there where we keep the treadmill pushed in so it doesn't take up too much space. The bastard didn't get any further because of that. Had he have gotten further he would have left with an extra hole in his body. Now, when it comes to my child I will fight to the death with someone. He is my everything and I never wanted him to experience anything like this in his young 3 year old life. I, myself, already have extreme PTSD along with all the other issues from my abusive childhood. Even though nothing more happened he is still suffering from the after effects. He wakes up all night long. Then he whispers "man" in my ear most nights. We both took a nap today because he was up every 30 minutes last night and neither of us had sleep. When we woke up he was in a cheerful mood. We sat on the couch to get awakened and watch an episode of Curious George when all of a sudden a loud truck zooms by. The child literally scratched me up trying to climb up me so fast, all the while look at the front door. By this time he is screaming "man coming to get me." At this moment I hugged him as tight as I could without him seeing my face with tears streaming down my cheeks and telling him nothing is going to get him. Mommy is here to protect you. He literally would not leave my side until about an hour or more later and he finally went and played in his room a bit while I cleaned and started dinner. It just pisses me off so bad that someone would violate my family like this. I have already had to live a screwed up life before I moved here. I never wanted my son to have to face fears, not at this age. Not like this. If I knew the guy and could find him and face him, he'd regret he ever tried to break in my house. My son will now be scarred from this for a while and it makes me sad. Hopefully, as the weeks go by he will start to forget about it. For now, I just have to keep reminding him that mommy will protect him. And, I will. At all cost!

Monday, the 29th. I got a phone call about 9:30 or after. I was half asleep but it was somewhere in there. I saw on the caller ID it was Manpower (the temp agency for St. Jude). I honestly didn't know what he was calling for until I answered. I thought maybe I needed to go in early or something. When I answered the guy I have dealt with said "Sandy, I have some bad news for you." Tears immediately started to fall because I knew exactly what he was going to tell me. He said your job has ended at St. Jude and my world literally fell apart. I called my MIL first and I couldn't stop crying and I don't even know if she understood half of what I said to her in that moment but gosh I couldn't believe it. The best job I have ever had, the most fun I have ever had a job, the most I have ever felt that I was helping in a big way. Then, its ripped from me like a family member. That is what it was like. Grant it I only worked there 6 months but I LOVED it. It was MY job and I would have stayed there forever! I had told several people if it came down to working for St. Jude or setting my camera down forever it would be an easy decision for me. I would have put the camera down and worked for St. Jude. Now, I didn't get fired for anything I did wrong. I did nothing wrong at all and was a great asset to the company. I know this. Its just the whole center is closing and with myself and my fellow pal that went through training with me were temps we got the boot first. But, the whole center will shut down on June 28th and this is sad news. Some people have been there 15-20 years. I know if I loved it within the 6 months I worked there and was as devastated as I was then they must be feeling it 10 times worse and I am sorry for them. It makes me sad. With all of that being said. I feel things could have went differently. But, I will never stop believing in St. Jude. I love their mission, I love what they stand for and most of all, I love what they have done for my friends kiddos. My friend Samantha's little girl Emilee had ALL and she is now cancer free thanks to St. Jude and I know she is so very grateful for St. Jude.
 During Treatment

 In remission
This little girl is why I wanted to work for St. Jude so bad. Her mommy and I have been friends since before kindergarten. I can rest and lay my head down easily right now knowing that I did the best I could and recruited as many fundraisers as I could to help save more lives like Emilee. I will forever be grateful for the opportunity I had working with such an amazing group of people and for such a great cause.

Now, its back to square one for me. I've looked at several jobs already. I have some already wanting me. I could go back to photography full time but I don't know if that is truly where my passion is. Just speaking the truth here. I want more. I am driven. I want to be out there. I want people to know my whole story. I want to speak to at risk youth. I want to go back to school. But, for now that is all on hold. I have to let Steve's job fall where it may as well because his job ends in September. So, for now. We wait. Well, not me. I figure out what dead end job I want to work until he can find something permanent. We must let the cards fall where they may.

Out of all the bad stuff that has happened, I have gotten a huge out pour of love from friends and family that knew how much I loved my job. I love you all for that and it was so sweet and overwhelming for you all to thing of me in such the light that you see me in. I am forever grateful for all of you who truly do love me and care for me. I know the ones that are for me. I found that out through all of this.

In the end I know it will all be ok and I will end up where I am supposed to be. For now, I am still shocked and its only been day two and I miss my job like crazy.

1 comment:

Cardinalcouple said...

Yeah, it is rough, Sandy. I absolutely loved what I did there and have gone through the whole gauntlet of emotions that we discussed. I am now currently mad at the corporate decision, based on profits, that ended up tossing aside so many valuable and caring people. We worked with them only a short time, but it was easy to see the love and care that a lot of them had for that place. I've always believe that when a door closes...a window opens. I'm not sure what kind of window will open with this incredible, lifesaving door being shut...but I will be open and optimistic about what lies further down the road.

WE have but a short time here on this planet, when you look at the comparative history of our world. It is imperative that we do three things. Love, learn and laugh. Every day. If you can accomplish all three (and somedays it is quite hard to do so)...then you have had a full day and you try to do it again tomorrow.