Letter 2-To the person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain....

I actually have several people that have caused extreme amounts of pain in my life. One of which has been truly forgiven, the rest-just completely ignored. I won’t name any names and I highly doubt if I did any of them would ever read this blog anyway. So you see, there is really no point.

This is mainly for the man that molested me; he did the most emotional damage. For a lot of years I blamed myself for what you did to me. Never knowing that I was too young to even know what was going on. You took advantage of the situation and of me. My mother trusted you and you betrayed her. Looking back on it now, I wish I had of told her-or someone. You wouldn’t have lived the great life that you have now. You wouldn’t be able to claim to be a minister in a church. You would have gotten what you deserved. You and your brother! It sickens me the way you and your brother preyed on little girls to molest and rape. Your brother got what he deserved and I hope every day while he rots in prison that he is getting the same thing he dealt out to his niece. I wish I could say the same for you. Maybe that sounds horrible of me. But, it’s my letter and its how I feel. You should never be allowed around children. You may be preaching at a church now, or whatever it is that you do, but I know what you did to me and you deserve to burn in hell for it. You caused me to lose all self respect and self esteem. I’ve struggled most of my life with poor self image and paranoia. Always afraid someone is waiting around the corner for me. Or, always afraid someone closest to me will harm me. Do you even know what that feels like? Of course not! I turned to drinking and drugs. I started self mutilating-trying to ease the emotional pain that you caused me. I was only 11 when you did those things to me! How could you harm a little girl’s innocence like that? How could you live with yourself after the fact? How could you/do you sleep at night. I also blame you for me being raped a few years later also. Yea, maybe you didn’t do the crime but you helped by sending me into a whirlwind of drugs and alcohol at such a young age. You caused my poor self image. You broke me. The rape doesn’t bother me nearly as bad as what you did to me. You were supposed to be a close friend/family. But, instead of being another protector you decided to be the opposite. I used to read the obituaries daily hoping that you were dead. Hoping that maybe-just maybe when you died that the mental hell I was going through would all end.  I’ve learned recently that you are still alive and well.  That doesn’t bother me. I know some people believe that if you forgive someone that you can let it go. Well I haven’t forgiven you and probably never will but I have let it go. And, no I do not believe in forgiving for things like that. So yes, it still angers me and I’m sure it always will but I don’t dwell on it any longer. I now have a beautiful life and a beautiful family. You no longer have control over my life and never will again. I just hope that no other young lady has fallen victim to you and if there has been I hope they have been able to find peace again also.

Letter 1-To my best friend, Kristina....

Dear Kristina,

     Our friendship means the world to me. No matter the physical distance between us, that has never and will never put a strain on our friendship. You’ve helped me get through so many bad things in my life. Even if it was your encouraging words and telling me those things would work out for me. You’ve been there for me when I felt I had no one. We don’t get to see one another or talk to one another as much as I’d like but I do think of you all the time. And, now of course that beautiful little boy of yours. I am so happy and thankful we went through most of our pregnancies together. I could not ask for a better friend.

I’m so glad our friendship began, even if we did not like each other at first due to someone else’s stupidity. Lol. Luckily we are two strong women who were able to ignore the immaturity of others. Thank you Kristina for being such a wonderful friend to me through the years. You’re an amazing friend, wife, and mother. 

30 Letter Challenge, maybe?

I happened to have a friend from babycenter, and now on blogger that started the 30 day challenge. Although she isn't doing it in order it still seemed to catch my eye. So, I figured what the heck? Why not do one for myself. I will not be doing all of them I don't think. Well, I know I won't. And, I may not even do one a day. Just thought it would be something neat to do. Everyone else join in if you want. Here are the rules if you want to do it the right way....

Here is the 30 day letter challenge for Tumblr, you are supposed to write a letter to several different people.  By the way, we are building a list of all Tumblr 30 day challenges.

Tumblr 30 Day Letter Challenge.

• Day 1 — Your Best Friend
• Day 2 — Your Crush
• Day 3 — Your parents
• Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
• Day 5 — Your dreams
• Day 6 — A stranger
• Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
• Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
• Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
• Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
• Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
• Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
• Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
• Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
• Day 15 — The person you miss the most
• Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
• Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
• Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
• Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
• Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
• Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
• Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
• Day 23 — The last person you kissed
• Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
• Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
• Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
• Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
• Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
• Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
• Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror 

Be on the lookout for my first one. Not sure which one I'll choose first. Lol. And, good luck to anyone who wants to give this a try.

Busy, busy, busy....

Jace has a way of making me fall head over heels in love with him each and every day. He’s growing each day. And, with every little thing he does it melts my heart. He has started to hold his bottles more and more. He is very vocal. He loves to “talk” that’s for sure. He’d been sick for about three days last week.  He wasn’t eating much at all and it had me worried to death. He was not sleeping either. Grandma & Pappy gave us a little break. We just needed long enough to be able to sit down and have dinner at home together. While he was there he seemed to fine by then. He did not fuss at all. He has been fine since then. He’s such a sweet baby.  His new “trick” yesterday was to roll over for the very first time. I was ecstatic to say the least. I shouted in excitement and applauded my little man for doing such a great job. And, then I cried and laughed all at the same time. There is really nothing to describe the love a real mother has for her child. He is absolutely everything to me. He is my sunrise and my sunset. I never thought my heart could hold anymore love as I thought I already loved with everything I have. Jace has shown me so much more. Below is a video of him rolling over yesterday. He’d started getting a little fussy, it was his 6^th time and he was sleepy, ready for his nap.

Lol. You never know how much junk you have. We pretty much have Jace’s room completed. All we have left to do is get a few pictures printed and framed, and a huge tree wall decal I’m waiting on. I love the color and how everything turned out.  I’ll post a few pictures below of what we have done so far. 

Jace's room

The front of the house.

 The Lilies the one and only neighbor brought us as a "welcome to the neighborhood" gesture. She's sweet. And, they were beautiful.

Our dining room table.

 Entry way going into the kitchen. Still have to put pictures into the frame. Lol.

Living room.

Like I said we still have lots more to do. We've been having to do a little at a time due to Steve's hectic schedule. I am loving the way everything is coming together though. Maybe in a few weeks we'll have everything just perfect as to how we want it. We bought a huge picture at Garden Ridge to go behind the couch. And, then a huge collage frame to put in the hallway. I can't wait to get pictures printed and put them in there. I'll do another post when everything is completely done.

My sister and dad will be here on Sunday. I’m really excited and looking forward to spending some much needed time with them. Me, Denise, and Jan (Steve’s mom) is going to get manicures and pedicures together too. That’ll be fun. Girl’s night out! Lol. Watch out cause here we come. Ha. And, I know for sure one day my sister and I are going to go shopping. That should tons of fun. I better wear comfy shoes. They mostly are going to want to spend time with little man Jace but we are going to manage to do some things all together too. We plan to go the Newport Aquarium, The Ali Center, and maybe a tour through the Louisville Slugger museum. I’m going to cook for everyone also. Some of my double battered fried pork chops, crock pot pinto beans, fried cabbage and potatoes, and corn bread. Sound good to you? Lol. Yum. 

Steve will be doing his finals next week also. I’m so glad his summer classes are coming to an end. He won’t have to go back until the spring because he’ll still be doing his co-op. I love when he just has his co-ops to worry with. It’s so much easier and less stressful. We’re able to do more things and he’s able to help out more. He is still going to take a break though I think-maybe a week or so. We plan on going on a vacation. We’re not sure yet were we’ll be going. Super excited either way. It’ll be our first family vacation. 

Sorry this got so long. Just haven't updated in a while. Hope you all have been enjoying my blog. I enjoy posting when I have time. I'll try to get better at updating more.