This is a highly touchy subject for most folks. I am not asking for your opinions here at all. So lets get that straight first of all. I don't want anyone commenting on this blog by abusing how someone else feels or questioning them about what they do or do not believe. This is about how I feel and its to help me move along in my own healing process. Weather you agree with me or not. Sure, I may lose a few friends. May even lose a few clients. But, if I lose friends then you weren't my true friend to begin with.
I started going to church at a young age. I won't say where. A couple of friends know where. I loved going but only for the fact of seeing the friends there. I didn't know at the time what god or jesus meant. How would I? If you've read my previous blogs, I mean really? How would I?
My dad had his coming to god experience sometime after my mom left him and it changed him for a few weeks. Made us go to church every Sunday and Wednesday and read our bibles. Never got to watch TV, listen to the radio, or play card games. He threw them all out the back door and smashed them with an aluminum baseball bat. Poof, there they went. So, what did we have to do when he was whoring around? Look at the walls and mostly fight. We got into a lot of trouble at school. I remember getting suspended for fighting several times. Getting kicked off the school bus and so was my brother. I mean really, what did people expect of us? We had a mother who we couldn't see and a dad who was proclaiming to be a christian man but whoring around with every woman would pull her panties down and doing only who knows what with.
Anyway, he finally saw the light again but still had his "temper tantrums" I'll call them cause that's the way it seemed. When things didn't go his way he always took it out on us. We were his victims. Though he proclaimed to be a man of god. Yea. Ok.
Although, I went to a Baptist church for many years and was saved and baptized and did once believe I no longer do. That may be a hard pill to swallow for many of you but its who I am. I guess calling myself atheist would be a harsh term or even agnostic would be a harsh term to use. But, to be quite honest I don't believe in anything nor have faith in anything. Feel sorry for me if you like or think it may be hard for me to sleep at night. But, its not. It is what helps me sleep at night. I don't believe there is a heaven nor a hell therefore I don't worry about either and no I don't believe there is a devil or satan or whatever you want to call him.
I believe in absolutely nothing but the family I still have left that I talk to on a regular basis, my friends, and myself. I hope to not lose friends over this but if I do. Like I said above so be it. I am tired of living a lie and acting like I am something I am totally not. That is not me. I am me. I won't live a lie any longer. Take me as I am or don't take me at all.
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