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New Albany, Indiana, United States

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Things do seem to get harder before they get better,

I went through about a 3 week spell where I was snippy with everyone. Everyone was telling me this but I wasn't listening of course. Then, when they were telling me I'd get snippy because of course it would piss me off. I don't think it really had much to do with medication as much as everyone one thought, although I know it did some. I had to get adjusted to it. It was my emotions running high over the fact that all of these things I've kept hidden for so long were coming out. Things about my molestation, my rape, my dad's beatings, his walking out on my brother and I, and just his lack of ever being a real father to us. Its hard to go through those emotions and feel like no one is there with you.

Yes, I have tons of friends to talk to. But, honestly how many of you have been in my situation? None of you. So you really don't have the right words to say, at no fault of your own. Not blaming you for that one bit or saying that in a mean or negative way what so ever. I am just saying nothing you say or do can fix the emotional side of what I am feeling when I am going through what I am going through in those times. No matter what you do or say. What I need is for someone to hold me, let me cry it out, and tell me that every thing is going to be alright. I know everything is going to be alright. I do. I am making an effort to be sure everything is going to be alright. I am taking those steps to better myself to make sure that happens for myself and my family. I swear for however long it takes and whatever it takes it will work. I have a family to think about and they are the most important people in my life. Steve is my true soul mate and I love him with all of my heart. We are meant to be. Jace is a handful at times but he is my handful and he is my miracle baby! I will do whatever it takes to keep the bond we all three have going and make sure it is never broken.

Now that I have said all of that, Thankfully those three weeks are over and I feel myself again :) Much love and peace to all.

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