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New Albany, Indiana, United States

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Excited and heartbroken at the same time.

Steve & I getting married just got very real for me this past weekend. Its only 2 months away and I couldn't be happier to be finally marrying my soul mate. I love that man with my whole heart and I know that he is the person I was meant to be with. He completes me and is the most loyal, caring, and thoughtful man I know. I am very lucky to have him in my life and to soon be able to call him my husband.

On the other hand, my heart is breaking into a million pieces. Why? My mom won't be there. We are doing something special for her and I know she will be there in spirit and hopefully looking down on me from somewhere. I know she'd be proud of me. I just know she would, but oh my goodness its so hard. Its really getting to me to the point of me crying at the thought. I'm trying to hold it in and not let it get to me but its hard.

Maybe this is the reason I haven't slept for two days. I'm having bad dreams, tossing and turning all night. As much as I think about the happy things to come and am truly happy, it creeps into my mind and I cannot help it. I so wish she was here with me, with us. I loved that woman so much. She would do any and everything for her kids and grand kids. Never was a better woman. Too bad she had to leave us so soon.

Well, that is it for now. I have been bottling this in. Its nice to get it out.

And, to my mama if she can see or hear me. I love you and miss you so much.

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