Weight Struggles

For as long as I can remember I have struggled with my weight. When I was younger after the molestation, rape, and my dad making snide comments about looks I would either starve myself or eat a ton of food and go make myself throw up. This is a part of my story that only Steve knows. He is the only person I ever told. Even though I was huge I would still make myself throw up. Trying to get the food out and trying my hardest not to gain more weight. Obviously it wasn't working but only half of the time. My weight would fluctuate. I would lose it all by starving or making myself throw up. After I would stop doing both I always gained the weight right back, of course. It was struggled and it always has been for me. Some people are just naturally thin and I would envy them from time to time. I think now sometimes that I wish I were one of those people that didn't have to work to get to a healthy weight. Now, don't get me wrong I won't ever be skinny nor do I want to be. I just want to be healthy so as Jace continues to grow and develop I can do more things with him without tiring out to quickly. The way I see it, its not fair for him to live with a fat mother that can't do everything he wants to do because it almost kills me. Of course, my friends always said you are not fat or family. Excuse me, yes, I was fat. I am still fat. I still have 40 lbs to go. I swear if it takes everything I have I am losing that damn 40 lbs.

Now for your viewing pleasure (hahaha) here is a before and after of just my face so far. 33 lbs down. The photo on the left was taken in December and the photo on the right was taken this month. Photos don't lie. Now try to tell me I wasn't fat. Lol.